id be glad to
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
