I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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