i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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