do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
