Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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