hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
