you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
