Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
