K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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