i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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