I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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