What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
