I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's rum buckets o'clock
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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