im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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