Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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