My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
