i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
