I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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