If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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