roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
two words: eviction party
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
