Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i out mim tonsoeep
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