so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
