Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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