we have pet lesbian snakes
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
