i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
