I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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