you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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