just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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