So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
