Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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