He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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