alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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