Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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