So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
