I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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