yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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