maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
