Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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