She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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