We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
