Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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