I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
