Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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