take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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