No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
