You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
organizing the empties. That sober.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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