Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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