Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
