Apparently you make a good broom.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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