was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
