Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
