So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
