you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
