I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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