Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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