I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
