I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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