So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
