what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
