next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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